Aromanticism can be really hard to figure out, especially since we’re often not sure what “romantic attraction” is supposed to be, so I made a list of things I’ve often seen in myself and other aromantic-spectrum people.I found that each inkblot could tell a story, whether humorous (which most of mine were) to a romantic encounter with perhaps sea creatures, or a childrens.A squish is a platonic attraction or an emotional attraction. As a non-romantic relationship, people based on exclusivity, a participant of the relationship may have multiple QPPs and exclusive. A Queerplatonic Relationship is a purely platonic relationship, so it does not contain sexuality/eroticism or romance, although some people involved in light or non-traditional romantic relationship might also categorize themselves as being queerplatonic.
Some of the list items are contradictory. They won’t apply to every aromantic-spectrum person and some non-aromantic people will have some of these things, too. Also, those on the aromantic spectrum that experience some (but little) romantic attraction may have squish/squishes.Aro Aromantic Asexual Lgbt+ Squish Aro Pride Gay Pride Queer Best Squishes Love Queerplatonic Valentines Day Who Needs A Valentine When I Have My Squish.These are just generalizations. Some people may also experience multiple squishes at a time.
When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. But if you’ve been trying to figure out your romantic orientation, and a lot of these sound really familiar to you…then it may mean something.I also made a list of words relevant to aro-spectrum people in case that helps.
You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.
You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.
Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.
You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.
You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.
You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.
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